Put Me Out Of My Misery

My lips say I hate you, my eyes reveal I love you. Its hard to keep my head above the water when im being flooded by this impossible desire, this truth that tears me apart. The little things give me away and I wonder if you see it, through my pain and distress, do you see the one thing Ive tried so hard to hide? I still depend on you, your short presence gets me through everyday. When youre gone I slip right back into the dark corner of my mind where thoughts of saying goodbye reside. Stuck in this trench I dug and now Ive realized its gonna be my grace, this room of mine. It seems I cant escape. I dont know what you think of me, dont know if Im a lost cause. Whats wrong with me? Why is love so cruel? I feel another wave of breakdown headed my way as  wake from blackened dreams drenched in chilled sweat, crying tears that will get me nowhere. Ive never been strong through and through, Im only human. I dont care if they resent me, civilization could never understand. I want to forget this misery, the misery Ive grown to hide so well everyday. Its just another twist in the rollercoaster, I think im falling now. Its a curse to want someone I cant have, to crave their touch to the point that it feels like my insides are being ripped apart. I should close the door and walk away while I still can, but i remain in waiting for the return; Even when the sun sets I can promise you that I will still be waiting with open arms. I suppose its not so complex, this situation, but its not that simple. Neither are you. Neither am I. Its hard to look you in the eyes, because im so afraid of what you will find within the dimness of my own blue eyes. So afraid of the truth you may find. I stutter and stumble, shake and stammer. I try so hard to carry on but theres weight upon me, crushing me. Theres blood everywhere, praying for mercy, I brace myself. Engulfed by the shock of reality and the depression, my opinions fall apart and im out of answers. Baby i dont know what to say or do anymore, Im yours to take and im youre to leave. I will always be here, endlessly, scarred, and always trying to look up, to keep my neck away from the noose. Panic slips down my throat when I imagine you permanently walking away, but whether that day will actually ever come or if it already has is a question that haunts me. I will survive, through every battle, I will keep breathing. The sky swallows me as I sit her and daydream of you, and me, and the tears, the pain, the joy. I close my eyes and for a short moment its just you and me, all my unwanted problems temporarily forgotten. Could this be the end...?